I Never
by antrovert
Summary: James and Lily are best friends. The only problem is that nobody knows but them. Lily wants to keep it a secret and James, James doesn't know what to do.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1:

I never thought this would be happening to me of all the people I know. I don't want it to be true. Why me?

Why?

Why indeed is the question.

Actually if I found out why this is happening to me I would probably paralyze from shock only because it _is _happening to me and not because of the why.

I

Don't

Want

This

To

Be

Happening.

Why?

WHY?

Maybe this was meant to happen.

Why does falling in love have to be a pain in the arse?

It's not like we were enemies or anything.

It's not like we hated each other.

Actually we were pretty good friends.

Until that day

The day where everything went horribly wrong.

I guess you have no clue about what I am talking.

It's actually quite simple.

Two people

One girl

One boy

Known each other their whole lives

Went to the same school even though they were sure they would never see each other again after the boys eleventh birthday.

The day he went to Hogwarts.

The day he met his other friends

The friends who he seems to trust more then me

Only because of this we have to act like we hate each other

Which I find highly irritating.

I don't want it to be like this

I want us to be talking in public again.

Like normal best friends do

Did I say I am in love with my best friend.

Yes I am in love with him

In love with the best friend who I seem to hate in other people their eyes

I hate it.

At least we have each other

Or so I thought.

This is my life.

The life of Lily Evans.

Who would have thought that.

I will tell you my story.

Because if I am going to hide this longer I am going insane.

This is how it all started:

I **Lily Marie Evans** was born on the 14th of February. But I was not the only one who was born at that day. The day of love. A boy called James Potter was also born on that day. He was actually born two minutes before me and till this day he still rubs the fact that he is two minutes older than me in my face. You could say that we were acting like twins. For some unknown reason we had this special bond like twins have only deeper. We did everything together. We even wore clothes in the same colour each day. If James got something I needed to have it to and vice versa. We were inseparable. Till the day he got his Hogwarts letter. I must admit I knew that the day was going to come seeing as they(James mum and dad) told me all about the wizarding world. The day he got his letter I was kind of sad but didn't let him know that although he knew I was sad he didn't act like he knew it. The summer came and I started to get depressed. I was nothing without my best friend. He didn't even notice. Two months till he took off to Hogwarts. I was acting more sulky the days nearing to 1 September. Until there suddenly was an owl waiting with an letter with my name on it. I took the letter from the owl and started to read the letter…

_**Dear Miss Evans,**_

_**We are pleased to let you know you have been accepted into Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry … **_

To say I was excited was an understatement. I ran to James' house and called him.

'James. I've got some great news'. I called

He came running down the stairs.

'Lily what news? ' He asked.

The only thing I could do was waving my letter at him , throwing it at him so he could read it and smile like I've never smiled before.

After he read it he stood there in shock before hugging me. He was talking about not being separated from each other. All I could do was smiling, like I did before. I went to Diagon alley with James. I knew where it was seeing as every time James went to Diagon alley I just had to come along. Only this time went I went to Diagon Alley it was like seeing it for the first time being actually a witch and not a muggle. Oh, how happy I was. The best thing of Diagon ally was getting my wand. I knew for a fact that James still hadn't his wand because his mum thought that he should do it when he went to Hogwarts. James got an owl. Before he got his owl he looked at me and decided that I should get an Owl too. But I hadn't enough money so he just bought me one. The strange thing was that the owls are twin owls. Or at least they act like twins. Just like James and I do. My owl was black with hazel eyes and James his owl was a rare red with green eyes. Coincidence or not?

Two days till Hogwarts. I am actually scared. What if James makes new friends and forget about me. I remember a chilly night…

'James?' I asked

'Hmm.' He said

'Are we going to be friends forever till death do us part' I asked with tears shining in my eyes. I don't know why but I felt like crying.

'Of course Lily. Forever and even when we are dead we are going to be together.'

And with that he gave me a hug like only 11-years could do. Uncomfortable.

But at that precise moment I just knew that everything was going to be okay even though there were going to be a lot of hard times that were going to test our friendship and later our relationship which actually would be predictable by many.

But still as I look over my life I knew that one thing was for sure, the love I had for his friends was undeniable. I couldn't have not loved Sirius like a big brother. And Remus he is really close. He helped me with problems that James couldn't solve , namely because he was the problem. And Peter. I did not know what he did to betray us. I was so sure that I was a friend to, not close but close enough to be trusted by him.

And last but not least. James the love of my life, in life itself and beyond life in wherever the place is were we are going.

And now I must continue my story. The truth about what happened.

The truth.


	2. Chapter 2

Dicslaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or all things realted to Harry Potter.

Chapter 2:

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon. Almost everyone was at the lake, not worrying about school but just having. with the exception of two people. They were trying to find a place which was not crowded.

'Lily, why can't we just be friends in public, I mean.' A raven haired boy asked.

' It's for your own good. You know that. You wouldn't want to be seen with a goody-two shoes now would you?' An auburn headed girl named as Lily said.

' You a goody-two shoes. You know you aren't that. You're my best friend. You're the one that comes up with the most pranks. You're the real marauder around here. Only you can think of pranks and then pretend that you have nothing to do with it. Why shelter under pretence and hide your true self? Are you afraid that something will happen? Or just that people are thinking differently about you? Please Lily. I like our friendship better when there is no yelling when some stuck-up slimy evil slytherin has something bad and you defence them.' James said.

'It's nothing like that at all. I just don't want the glory of every prank. I know James. I like it better when we don't have to yell but it's only a year, you know. We're in our seventh year… ' Lily replied

'Dammit Lily'' James started but was cut off when they heard footsteps coming nearer towards them. They looked at each other and nodded briefly before the acting began.

' POTTER!!! How Many Times Must I Repeat myself? I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU AGAIN. You're just a self-centred prat who will never mature. Why won't you just give up.' And with that Lily took off angry.

Every time Lily rejected James, she really became angry, not because he was asking her out, but because she really wanted to say yes. Angry because she wondered how long it would take for the both off them to explode and go insane. The only time they really could've spend time together were the holidays. But not even there they could act normal. It was all because of The other Marauders; Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black and Remus lupin, Lily thought. If it weren't for them James and I could've been friends now. Friends that show affection in public. But on second thought that probably wouldn't have worked.

While being so lost in her thoughts Lily didn't realize that she was standing in front of the Gryffindor Common Room entrance. A small cough made her come back to the reality.

'Well are you just going to stand their the whole time or are you going to give me the password.' The Fat Lady said.

Lily just stared distracted.

'I have other things to do you know.' The fat lady said.

Lily still said nothing.

'Just give me the password so we can do the things we would like to do.' The Fat lady said very annoyed. She clearly wanted to go away but couldn't.

'Gillyweed' came the bored voice from Lily. Lily walked into the common room to find it completely empty. She sat down on one of the chairs nearest to the fireplace , although there wasn't much fire in there. She started suddenly started crying without knowing she was crying. She was just gazing into the fire completely being in a trance only to be waken by the calling of her name. She turned around to see who it was. It was Remus.

'Lils, why have you been crying? What happened?' He asked.

'What are you talking about, I wasn't crying. But to tell you the truth Rem… I just can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like I'm drowning in quicksand. And I've got nobody and nothing to get me out of there.' Lily said her voice quivering.

Remus didn't say anything, he was just holding her. He didn't understand what she was saying, but she was his friend and she needed someone to comfort her. He had a suspicion that it had something to do with his best friend James. He somehow knew that there was more than meeting the surface but he just let it like that, waiting for the two of them to come clean by themselves. After about ten minutes of just standing there Lily muttered something and walked to her dormitory. She walked towards her four-poster bed and lay down on it. The rest of the day she did nothing just thinking about what James had said. She truly didn't know why she didn't want her friendship to be out in the open. Maybe it was because she was used to their secrecy. And with that thought she fell asleep dreaming about just absolutely nothing.

'Lily wake up. We've only got ten minutes till breakfast.' A girls voice said.

Lily muttered something under her breath about why breakfast couldn't be later.

Ten minutes later she was ready.

'I am glad you don't take long to get ready.' The girl voice said.

'Well, I just don't feel like waking up early, unlike you Meagan.' Lily said.

'Whatever. Just hurry up. I don't want Sirius to have eaten all the food before I even had the chance to eat.' Meagan said. And with that Meagan ran to the Great Hall where she ran to the Gryffindor table plopping down and putting as much food on her plate as she could. Ten minutes Lily came and sat down beside her taking some toast with bacon and eggs on her plate.

'S that all you're going to have?' Meagan asked in between bites.

Lily just nodded taking tine bites. She wasn't that hungry. Something was still heavy on her stomach. She looked at Meagan and wondered how she could eat as much as Sirius – who really ate much and always was hungry – and not gain any weight. Lily observed Meagan. Meagan was fairly tall and had brown curly hair that reached the mid of her back. She had golden brown eyes and a upturned nose with a round face. She was pretty but not wow. But what Lily liked most about Meagan was her personality. She was just laid-back and didn't have a lot to worry about. She was fun to hang around and could give you give good advice. But the best of all. She was a good friend and that was what Lily needed. Meagan noticed Lily looked at her and smiled comfortingly at her. At her turn Meagan looked at lily and noticed that lily's hair that was auburn was a little of her shoulders. Her emerald eyes that normally sparkled much lacked of emotion. She noticed that she walked with her head hanging to the ground which maked her shorter than she already was. Meagan didn't liked it when Lily was down. She never was down. She wondered what happened. She looked at Remus and noticed that he also had noticed the change in his friend. She was going to find out what happened to her even if it was the last thing she was going to do.

The following week Lily became more and more depressed. Meagan couldn't get trough Lily which was not normal, because mostly only she - with the exception of James could get trough Lily.

Lily really didn't know what was wrong with her. She only knew that she longed for something. Something that she couldn't quite get. It was disturbing. She was didn't pay attention in her classes and only barely passes them. She was quiet, didn't speak unless spoke to and even then she only would give a nod or a small yes or no. She barely eat anything and thus was becoming thinner with the minute.

'Lily, what is wrong with you?' James concernedly asked when he saw that Lily once again was just gazing into the nothing.

'Nothing.' She answered knowing that he wouldn't believe her.

'What are you hiding from me? Really what is wrong with you! I want to know. It is almost killing me to see you like this Lil.' James said.

'Really it is nothing' Lily answered tonelessly.

With that she stood up and wanted to walk away but felt that someone had taken her hand. The hand that was holding her hand felt so warm and comfortable that she just completely broke down. She threw her arms around that person and looked him/her in the face. To her great relief she saw that it was James. He just hold her while she was crying her heart out. The two of them had a bond that sometimes didn't even needed words to understand each other, just the presence of the other was enough. James knew that she wasn't going to tell him what was bothering but he had his ideas about it. He knew that he was part of why she was acting like she was acting.

'Thanks.' Came the muffled voice from Lily.

' For you my Flower, I will do anything. Anything you ask.' James said. and took a tissue that he had found in a pocket in his robe and cleaned her face from all the tears that had been shedding there. He put an arm around her and together they started walking, following their feet who were leading the way. Neither of them cared of someone saw them like this. They didn't care anymore. Their friendship, health and sanity at the moment was more important then that.

The two of them didn't noticed that that Sirius and Remus had seen the whole thing and were speechless. Until Sirius spoke 'What is going on with you and Evans, Prongs?'

James and Lily jumped away from each other and turned red.

'I-I-I d-d-don't k-k-know what you're t-talking ab-b-bout, Padfoot' James stuttered while turning redder with the second.

'Since when do you and Lily speak to each other in a decent matter. Since when does she not yell at you. What is going on.' Remus said in a calm but firm tone. James looked at Lily clearly trying to find permission to make everything clear. Lily shook her head. Even though not even minutes before this encounter it didn't matter to her if everything was cleared out, she now definitely changed her mind. She just wasn't ready. James looked disappointed.

'Sorry, cannot tell you. Private matters, you of all people must understand **that M**oony.' He said nonchalantly. He really did not like to lie or hiding the truth for Merlin's sake, it was just that Lily was more important to him now. Especially since he found that when he asked her out as they had agreed to put an act, he really wanted to go out with her and it really hurted him by her saying no to him. But she did not know about those feelings and he would keep it like that, what if ruined their relationship?

'I am telling you when the time is right.' James said and looked at Lily. She nodded a thanks, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said to Remus and Sirius 'I would really appreciate it if none of you two would say nothing.' And with that she walked away, while trying to hide the tears that were falling onto her face. She was glad that this would be their last day before they went home for the summer holidays. She did not understand the flip- flops she had been getting while James was holding her, or the electricity that run trough her body when she had given him a kiss on the cheek. She thought about her crush when they were twelve. She thought she had gotten over that and that the crush turned into brotherly kind of love. But it did, she really liked him as a brother. She didn't like any girls he went out with, which weren't a lot since he had not felt like dating but why was she always feeling like she was stabbed in the back by her best friend when he went on a date? Why did she always wanted to cry when she saw him with another girl? It is not like she never went on a date, it was just that she didn't felt comfortable with them, that's why her longest relationship with a boy was two weeks before she had broken it off. She didn't feel anything when she kissed other guys, but when her lips touched James skin it felt so right, like it was always like that, like it was natural. Even though it was not on the lips it just felt perfect. Then a thought came to her mind, _what if I have a crush on him, again only this time for real. What if I like my best friend. Worse what if I am in love with him?!_ Lily shuddered by the thought of that and tried to suppress the feeling of warmth that came when she thought about her and James.

The following days Lily tried to get the idea of her and James together out of her head, but it seemed that it just went worse. She found herself actually staring at him at almost every moment of the day. Meagan even asked her if there was something James had done because she was staring at him for the tenth time at breakfast.

' What did he do know? Ask you out while the whole of Gryffindor was watching? No. Maybe he hexed that slimy git from slytherin? Still no. He put you under a spell that makes you look at him the whole day? Really not, I could've swear that that was it. Lily are you listening to me? Lily? Lils? Lil? All lessons are cancelled!!!.'

Lily didn't respond because she was day- dreaming about her and James kissing under the light of the moon while walking by the lake at Hogwarts.

'LILY, Look, Sirius turned into an ape! James has pink hair!.' Meagan said, while thinking about other stupid things she would have to say before she could get any answer from Lily.

' His hair has not turned pink, it is still black and messy, just the way I like it.' Lily said absentmindedly forgetting that Meagan was near her.

'What!!!. It is still messy and black just the way you like it? I think the world has gone mad. You like Potter? James Potter? The guy who torments you everyday by asking you out? The guy who could not take no for an answer? Are you feeling well? Should I take you to the Hospital wing.' Meagan said while feeling her forehead checking if she was ill.

'Huh?! No, no of course I don't like Potter. What makes you believe that I like him. He is so arrogant, selfish. He always bullies other people. And always ruffles his cute messy hair when he is nervous and… I just didn't say that, right.' Lily said shocked, realizing what she had said in front of Meagan.

'Oh, but you did.' Said a smirking Meagan.

Lily was speechless. There was no denying her feelings for James now. She looked at James and saw that he was looking back at her with his eyebrow raised. Lily just looked at him in horror and couldn't stop staring. James couldn't help himself by saying ' Evans, I always knew you fancied me, so how about you and me, next Hogsmeade trip.' Lily just turned red. She was trying to think of replies but could not find one. She looked like a beet right now. James was wondering what was going on. It worried him that she had not said anything back. The grin that was on his face, glide of and it was replaced by a worried face. He beckoned for them to go to their special place. She nodded and excused herself from the table and walked away. Suddenly she felt that something was thrown over her. She was about to scream when she heard a voice telling her something before everything went black before her eyes…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to Harry Potter!

Chapter 3: 

'James do you always have to do this? You know I think someone is really kidnapping me to do some horrible things with me.' Said Lily angry but with a sparkle in her eyes which made clear to James that she didn't mind at all. _But Lils, you would know that I would** never** do something like that to you_. James thought but didn't say it out loud for a reason he didn't know.

'Lily.' Said James.

'Yes?' Lily replied.

' You know I care about you right?'

_I really do care about you a lot _

'Yes, I know.'

_Hopefully not in a sister/brother way_

'I just wanted to know…'

_If you would like to go to Hogsmeade with me_

'Want to know what?'

_If I like you? _

'If, if you…'

_Would be my girlfriend_

'Yes, James'

_Because I don't like you_

'would like to…'

_Marry me_

'would like to what…'

_I am in love with you_

'Go to…'

_Yes?_

'To…'

_But the question Is, what about you?_

'To…'

_C'mon James. You can say it_

'…'

_What are you trying to say_

'I just wanted to know if you would like to go to Hogsmeade with me?'

_That wasn't so hard, now was it_

'I would love to'

_Yes, yes , yes, yes, yes!!!_

After that both Lily and James woke from their strange dream.

'I just had the strangest dream.' James said while rubbing his eyes.

'Me too. It involved you asking me out' Said Lily while stretching.

'Only I hadn't had the guts to ask you out.'

'So you stretched it all out.'

'But in the meantime our thoughts were saying different things'

'Like me wanting you to marry me.'

'And me being in love with you.'

Suddenly they looked at each other with absolute horror. It just got trough their minds that they had been dreaming about the same thing, but most important of all they could hear each other thoughts. Both of them turned red at the thought **that**!

' So Lily, you're in love with me, huh?' James said smirking

'Don't smirk at me like that Mr – I would – marry – you – and - afterwards – have - good –sex - but – I – cannot – even – ask – the – poor – girl – out. 'Said Lily with a mischievous smile. She whished that all those things were true. How she longed to feel his lips caressing her lips. How she longed for him to just hold her. How she longed to just wanting to stare at him without being caught. How she longed for him to love him.

'But you know you _love _me' James teased.

Lily didn't respond to that. She knew she loved him deep down somewhere in her heart. She only would not admit it.

'I am still waiting for my answer you know' James said still smiling on the outside although on the inside he was nervous. _What if she doesn't love me?_

' You are waiting for my answer when you know what my answer would be, right?' Lily said.

Silence followed. They looked in to each other eyes. Unaware by them they drew closer to the other. Subconsciously James put his arm around her waist, pulling her even her closer. Like they were magnets their faces came closer and their lips touched., their lips locked together but unmoving. They stood still like that for about a second when James kissed her gently.

Lily thought that she was about to explode. Never had she felt something like this.

They were kissing so unaware of their surrounding that when they pulled back they did not even noticed that there were four people looking stunned.

'What the bloody hell was that all about?!' Meagan demanded.

James and Lily turned around and looks of utter terror was all written over their faces. They turned red. Not only from embarrassment but also from anger. Why anger Lily didn't know. Maybe it was because they had invaded their privacy. Or maybe she was just irate at herself because she had let **_it_** happen. She had let herself being seduced by the tempts of her best friend. She had no idea why she was angry. She was becoming annoyed at herself for being so not careful and she just couldn't stand the thought about that. She suddenly felt like she could not respire. There was no air around her anymore. She tried to gasp for air but her mouth wouldn't allow it. And then she went down. And for the second time on that day particular day everything went black… pitch black but not before hearing a loud scream and feeling something wet trickling down her head.

After that she remembered nothing.

Nothing in the place she was.

In the place she was there was nothing.

Nothing for her to notice and see.

Then there out of the blue was a bright white sharp piercing light that made her fall down and lay unconscious …

'_James'_ silence

'_James' _again silence

' _James where are you' _still no response

'_James' _Lily was getting hysterical

'_This isn't funny anymore'_ Lily at this point started to cry.

'_Can someone hear me' _She tried several minutes later still sobbing.

'_Hello' _She could only hear herself breathing.

'_Please James' _She started to fall towards the ground.

'_James, I need you' _Lily said with a tiny voice.

'_James please say something, anything' _Her throat felt very dry.

'_Please' _Andfor the second time she fell unconscious.

James looked at lily with sleepy eyes. He would not fall asleep as long as Lily wasn't awake. Meagan, Sirius and Remus just stood there uncertain of what to do. Peter was looking horrified at what had displayed before him. James wouldn't forgive himself if she didn't wake up.

'James' a high voice shouted.

James looked at the beautiful girl in his arms and tried to calm her down by whispering soothing words. She gave no reaction to whatever he was saying. He would not give up. He would be there for her whether she was asleep, or awake. He would stand by her no matter what happened.

'Prongs, don't you think we should bring her to the hospital wing?' the concerned voice from Remus came.

'No.' came the bitter reply of James.

The four others stared at James in bewilderment.

'Why not?' Meagan said coldly for she would wanted to know what was wrong with her best friend.

'It happened before. She just need to lay down and be calm, at least that was what the Healers said at St. Mungo's.'

' Why said the Healers that James, Why.' Sirius demanded.

They all looked at James expectantly .

'Because…'

James stayed still for awhile.

'Because she has some sort of disease.' James said.

Meagan looked unbelievingly at James. Sirius, Remus and Peter looked shocked.

'And how would you know that?' Meagan asked suspiciously while dying with curiosity. She was Lily's best friend and how could she not know. Lily would have told her. Lily trusted her she was sure of that.

'I was there the last time it happened.' James said with a soft but firm tone that said that no questions should be asked more.

The five teenagers stayed in silence while waiting for Lily to wake up. They looked at the clock. One minute passed. Two minutes had passed. Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed but there was till no sign of Lily waking up.

'I can't stand it anymore!' Sirius screamed abruptly out of nowhere.

They were all to lazy to respond.

'I can't stand it anymore!' Sirius screamed again.

This time they pretended they hadn't heard a thing.

'I can't stand it anymore!' Sirius screamed for the third time.

James had opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately.

'I can't stand it anymore!' Sirius screamed getting annoyed at their lack of reaction.

'Black, you don't have to say it four times. I think one time is enough thank you very much. But now I am responding, what exactly can't you stand?' Lily said

' I can't stand the fact that you still haven't woke up.' Sirius said without realizing what he'd said.

'But Sirius.' Said Lily

'Yes Lily?'

'I am awake, why should I in Merlin's name need to wake up' Said Lily.

' You are awake? Really? Wait a minute you're awake.' Said Sirius dumbly while running towards Lily to give her a bone crushing hug.

'Yes of course I'm awake. Why wouldn't I be?' Lily said while trying to get out of Sirius his bone crushing hug.

'Padfoot! Let the girl go. Let her breath again.' Remus addressed to Sirius.

James could only look at Lily.

'Lily' James said.

Lily turned her head to look at James and wiggled her eyebrows for him to continue.

'Please'. Was all that James said. He looked so desperate that Lily almost said Yes. With one little shake of her head he walked away and left all of his friends behind. Lily noticed that all eyes were focused on her.

'What?' She said.

'I would like to know what is going on between you and James.' Meagan said calmly but with a tone of authority in her voice.

'Nothing.' Lily lied.

'Lily Marie Evans, don't you lie to me!' Meagan said getting angry.

Lily looked at Meagan, Sirius and Remus and ran away. She ran until she unaware had reached the a clearing nearby the Forbidden Forrest which only James and she knew off. She couldn't stand it anymore. She would have to make an end. It would have to end right now Lily decided. The only problem was, how? She was sick and tired of all the hiding, of all the lies, off all the confusion, of everything. But in a way she liked it. She had a secret. A secret that only James and her knew of. No, it wasn't the secret that they couldn't be friends anymore. It was something much more complex. Something that would haunt her till the day of her death.

Lily started to cry as the rain suddenly came pouring out of the sky. She didn't know why she was crying, but she knew it felt good and it helped to take a tremendous weight of her shoulders.

James was sitting in his dormitory on his four-poster bed just gazing blankly in front of him. He didn't know what he could do to make Lily understand why he needed their friendship to become public. He just wanted them to act like they were doing before Hogwarts. Before he met all of his friends. Before he realized he had feelings for him. Why couldn't see just see that it was killing him inside to go trough the pain, the secrecy. And then he suddenly didn't care anymore. If she didn't want it to be public, fine by him but she must face the consequences of that.

'Prongs ?' A voice interrupted his thoughts.

James looked up to see that Sirius was standing in the doorway concerned by the mass of wetness on his face. He must have been crying without realizing it.

'Are you OK?' Sirius asked him.

'Do I look OK to you? I don't understand it anymore. The one minute she is fine with everything but when it comes to the real thing she doesn't want it. Does she like leading me on Padfoot? I cannot stand it anymore. I have to put an end by it all. All the years we could have had together to be only stopped by… by… by YOU! It is all your fault, if you hadn't offered your friendship to me everything would have gone perfectly and I would be sitting next to her, playing with her shiny red hair. But no you, Remus and Peter had to ruin it. If you wouldn't have interfered we still would have been friends. But of course you cannot be blamed. You needed the friendship you were offering towards me, as well as Moony and Wormtail. If I cannot blame you who can I blame. Who can I blame. Who is responsible for this Padfoot? Tell me! Who?' by now James had fallen crying down on his knees while he seemed to pull out his hair out of his head.

Sirius did not know what to do so he just sat on the ground and held James head in his lap while saying that everything was going to be alright.

After a while James fell into a slumber still being in Sirius' lap. That's how Remus found them. He wanted to say something but Sirius merely raised a finger to his lips and whispered that he was sleeping.

Remus looked at James sleeping and found that he was looking peaceful. Every once in while the word 'Lily' or 'Please' came out of his mouth. He didn't know what was going on but he was determined to find out if it could make his best friend happy. After all, James willingly had become an Animagus just so that he wouldn't endure so much pain and would be alone, so why couldn't the lad deserve a little happiness regarding Lily.

A/N: I''m sorry I haven't updated in a while. This chapter will probably be the last chapter for a couple of months seeing as I am really busy with school. I will try to write the other chapters as as fast as possible.and will then update them as soon as possible.

And please tell me what you think of the chapter!!


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